I just heard a sermon about risking failure and stepping out in faith. (So much easier said than done, but definitely pays off in the end.) I’ve gotten one clear message from God about my pursuit of seminary, and it isn’t the best news possible. The single recurring message I’ve gotten is that I might not walk away from this with a degree.
Now, having once unsuccessfully attempted grad school, this isn’t the kind of thing I want to hear, exactly. But I do know one thing for sure, and that is that God has better things in store for us than we can even imagine. I would give anything to walk away from this endeavor with a Master’s degree, well, almost anything.
For whatever reason, be it selfish, or egotistical, or just simply wanting to have faith in myself and my ability again, I want that degree. I’d be lying if I said that the prospect of not ending up with one isn’t disappointing; but I also realize that I’m not in this process to to restore my faith in myself, I’m in it to grow in my faith in God.
My ultimate goal in this process is to grow closer to God/know God more intimately; to become like a seed planted on good soil; to exemplify the kind of life that a follower of Christ lives; to serve God, and to bring glory to God.
I’m just a baby in my faith. I’m coming up on 3 years since I gave my life to Christ. A lot of people know Christ their whole lives. I do believe I have something to offer in service to God, a new perspective, some definite talents.
At the end of the day, if I reflect honestly, I do believe that God isn’t necessarily saying that I definitely will not end up with the degree I want. I believe God is saying that this shouldn’t be my goal, or my focus. I do want so much more than a degree from this process. A degree needs to be a take it or leave it kind of deal. If I get one, great! If I don’t, I will walk away with knowledge and wisdom that are so much more valuable than a framed piece of paper on my wall. That alone needs to be enough.
Isn’t that true in so many situations? Our number one goal should be to seek God wholly, not to find satisfaction in things of this world.
Still, letting go of that dream will be tough. I resolve to do it, though. I cannot give myself fully to this process if I am in any way putting my focus and my hope in something as ultimately meaningless as a degree.
If you can, please pray for me in this process of letting go of my ideas of success; and starting on the road toward reaching the potential that God has set for me in this journey. Thanks a million!