This is what recovery looks like.

So, where do I start? Well, I’m still waiting for my sister to post my previous post, which I hand-wrote and mailed to her for posting. (Ahem)

Life is pretty much non-stop here. We start at 7:15 am with our first group and end at 9:30 pm. We have 8 groups in total, with 3 snacks and 3 meals. We have a weekly outing. Last week, we went to the Adler Planetarium in Chicago. Usually, we go to Michael’s, Wal-Mart, or to get manicures. I’m in desparate need of a mani/pedi.

Recovery is a really intense process, as it turns out. About a week in, I started to desperately wonder what I had gotten myself into. I guess the first goal is to tear down any harmful coping mechanisms you’ve built up to avoid your emotions. I’ve been pretty successful with that, but it took time. I feel like I am now in recovery with all of my addictions. I’m on week 16 or 17 now. I’m starting to lose count.

Often, the result of losing your old ways of coping is a flood of uncomfortable feelings, the ones you’ve been avoiding for, basically a lifetime. None of it is much fun. In fact, the words agony and torture come to mind.

I had about 3 goals in mind for my time here. The first was to address my addictions. The second was to address my trauma. The third goal was to develop spiritually, to a place where the first place I turn in difficult moments would be God and prayer. I feel like I’ve accomplished 2 of those things, and now am in the stage of maintaining them. At the moment, I’m in the process of addressing trauma. It is not easy, and often feels about as comfortable as wearing full footie pajamas made of wool in Louisiana in the hottest part of summer. I’m sure you get the idea.

At the same time, I am extremely pleased with what I have accomplished, all current discomfort aside. I also have the intense comfort that only God can offer in the most difficult times in one’s life.

I guess that’s all I have at the moment. I only have limited time on the internet, though I’ll hopefully be going to step down to the transitional level, sometime in the next few weeks.

Please, feel free to share any comments or questions. I know it’ll be the only way I have to talk to some of you at the moment. I hope all is well with everyone. I’ll be sending my love.

*****

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it means to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13

One thought on “This is what recovery looks like.

  1. I was so happy to see your blog pop up with a big update today.

    I just want you to know that I love you, and I am SO PROUD of you for doing the hard work and healing and growing. You are amazing.

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