You know, it is pretty funny (or maybe a little sad) that I look as this blog and realize I haven’t really written here since April of 2013. Just a few months more and it would’ve been a whole year. In 2014, I resolve to change that.
I guess it is possible I was too busy living life to sit down and write about it, but that is still no excuse. Writing is one of my passions, and this blog is one of my outlets, and I plan on honoring both of those things more in the coming year.
A little bit about 2013: This past year was a big one for me. I drove across the country from San Diego, CA to Greensboro, NC and am now living in the frigid midwest or northeast. Somewhere in between, I guess. I have spent so much time with my nephews, watching them grow and absorbing their cuteness, and honestly, every time I see them after a day or two, I’m still shocked by how adorable they are. I can’t get enough, although I’ve had my moments where I was grateful to be able to go home at the end of the day. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to be such a huge parts of their lives, helping them become who they are meant to be, and yet I have none of the pressure of parenting, which I now realize is not meant for me at all. I get an inside glimpse at the responsibility involved in parenting, and know I haven’t the stomach for it at this point in my life. Although, I have been considering for quite some time now, the prospect of eventually being a foster parent, at some point down the road. I feel there is a big need for loving, caring foster parents, and that is a role I could one day hope to fulfill.
I find myself censoring myself a lot on Facebook, because I have two sets of friends who are polar opposites of each other. I don’t say much there anymore because I risk offending one side or the other. I consider this my neutral ground, where I can be more candid. Those who are meant to, will read it. So I will confess that along with having applied to grad school for social work, I have also applied to seminary, and that I’m hoping prayer will lead me in the right direction.
God blessed me with such a beautiful year, that I could not be more grateful. I cannot think of any ways in which this past year could’ve been better or more fulfilling. I spent this past Sunday telling my story to a group of people for the first time since treatment. I was terribly nervous at the prospect, but I honestly blocked it out right after doing it. I was glad it was over, and didn’t want to torture myself with lamentation over what I meant to say, or should’ve said. I wanted to let it be. What I was meant to say was said, and I can leave it at that. It was a big accomplishment for me to end the year off.
I want to set my intentions for 2014. First of all, I will come here and write more. After all, I’m not paying for this URL to let it sit unused. I will finish my application process for school. I will pray more and spend more time in the word. I will work toward being gainfully employed, and work toward moving past the traumas I have experienced in the past. I will learn to open myself up more to other people, and thus make more friends. I will find the church where I’m meant to be. I will spend more time praising God for all of the blessings I have received. I will continue growing in recovery, and sharing my recovery with people who can benefit from my experience. I will continue to help raise my nephews into considerate, compassionate, and gentle young men. I will hold those I love a little tighter, and savor my time with them a little more.
Those are my intentions.
I hope God blesses you with a joyous year! Thank you for reading, come back again soon! Sending my love!
I’ve had an incredible year, and for the first time in a looonnnnggggg time (if ever), I hate to see the year go. But I do know that a new year brings new beginnings, and I’m so excited to see what God has in store for me, because I know it will be good.
Yesterday, for the maybe 5th time, I watched the documentary, “I Am,” an incredible film that has changed my life. It got me thinking about how my part in this world can change everything. It made me realize that I don’t need power, or money, or my own non-profit organization to change the world. We are all interconnected, and my very mood has an affect on something else going on in this world. All I want to do is pour positivity and love into this world. Knowing that my heart’s signals set off a butterfly effect on this planet, makes me want to keep a smile always on my face.
When I was miserable, I thought I was the only one suffering. When I consider that my life changes, might’ve changed some vibration in this world for the better, it makes me appreciate my new happiness that much more. Someone else’s life might’ve changed for the better with mine. Beautiful.
“There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction.” ~John F. Kennedy
In that respect, I made a decision for my New Year’s resolution. I don’t often make resolutions, and when I do, they do not look like weight loss or habit-changing. I want to contribute goodness to this world. I want to do my part to set a positive chain of events in motion, every. single. day. I made the decision to go out of my way to practice a random act of kindness every day for the year 2013.
My prayer, is that God presents me daily with an opportunity to help someone, and that in doing so, I start to make a shift for the greater good.
I will be writing about this experiment/resolution here, but I will not specifically name who I helped or how. I’m not doing this to receive kudos. I’m doing this to show those around me that even the little things can change the world. And to suggest that maybe others try this as well. I will be writing about it to discuss how this venture helps transform my life and perspectives in the process.