I don’t know if any of you have heard of The Good Men Project, but let me go ahead and recommend them. I follow them on Facebook and on Twitter. They have some amazing articles that inquire, uplift, and inform. Today I saw one titled “An Open Letter to my Future Wife: How I Plan to Make You Happy Every Day of Your Life.”
Recently, I have been coming to terms with what it means to be a new person in Christ (yes, even 3 years into this journey) and to act like it when interacting with the opposite sex. I am so used to interacting with them one way, that I’m having to learn what it means to do things differently, in a way I’ve never done it before. God is basically reforming my DNA, which is no small feat. And, it is not without setbacks and screw ups. But He has made one thing very clear, we do things differently around these parts, and it is time I started walking the walk.
So, in an effort to imagine what my NEW future will be like, I was inspired to write an open letter to my future husband. I never dreamed of getting married in the past, but I suppose I should start considering it. I’m dedicated to this with everything I’ve got, and an open heart and mind. Here goes.
Hello there, future husband,
I wish I wasn’t at such a loss of words already in this letter. I’m hoping that isn’t a horrible sign.
I read a letter someone wrote to their future wife today. In it he promised all of these things that he would do for his wife. And I thought I would love to have a husband like that. Unfortunately, at this point, I’m only starting to consider that men like you exist, so hopefully, I’ll be more willing to believe when we meet.
That being said, I want to tell you what I will be willing to do for you, my loving, supportive, and stable love of my life.
There are lots of things I cannot offer you, because as they say “every saint has a past,” but I know you will be able to value what I can offer.
I will have an open ear to listen whenever you have something you need to talk about, and a shoulder to lean or cry on when things get hard. And whenever you need it, I will have an encouraging word. I want to pour into you as much as you pour into me.
I promise to always have an open mind and heart with you, to trust God and to trust you with my whole heart.
I promise to share with you everything that goes on in my life with a candor with which I can only speak to you and to God.
I promise to keep the passion of our youth ignited well into old age, to always have surprises for you, and to look at you the same way in 50 years as I did when we first fell in love.
I promise to let you listen to your music in the car at least 50% of the time, no matter what kind of music you like, without complaining at all about it.
I promise to do everything I can to foster a physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy me, and a physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy us.
I promise to always consider your needs.
I promise to stay dedicated to the love of our God and to the love of our family, whatever that looks like in our life together.
I promise to always work on being a better communicator.
At this point, I feel pretty satisfied with the idea of never having children, but if you definitely want to, I am willing to compromise, because I know I will have your love, support, and stability throughout the entire process. I will not be in it alone, and neither will you.
If you decide to make a big change for the better in your life, I will support you with everything I have. I want you to be happy more than I want anything materialistic.
Most importantly, knowing that I can trust you never to hurt me, I offer you unconditional love. I do not take vows lightly. If I promise to stay dedicated to something, I will see it through to the very end, so even when you have the most difficult, ugliest of moments, I will love you through it.
I love you already, and I cannot wait to start our life together!
Your Future Wife
I’ve always wanted to live in California, and swore I’d never live in the midwest. As I get older, however, I find my priorities are changing. Over the past year, I have had the pleasure of being in a year-long season of summer, here in San Diego, California. I couldn’t be more grateful for my time here. I do believe I have been pretty spoiled. The twelve step community here is vast and supportive, probably the best in the country. The weather is almost always sunny and mild. There are constantly resources galore at my fingertips.
And now… I’m saying goodbye to it all.
For the midwest.
I came to California straight from residential treatment in Chicago. I had 5 and a half months of treatment, and California was the place and I made a home. I got connected right away with meetings, and built a safety net of support around me. I have an amazing dietitian and an incredible sponsor.
As I have processed this move, I am starting to really take in all I will be saying goodbye to, and it has me asking, “is this the right choice?”
The YMCA here is incredible. With one membership, I have access to 4 different Y’s. They have classes like NIA and Meditative Yoga.
I can order Thai delivery.
Seriously, it is almost always sunny. And I have a tendency toward seasonal depression.
Who would leave this?
When it comes down to it, California just isn’t a reasonable place to live, especially for those of us who are not gainfully employed. Becoming a resident of California isn’t cheap, gas isn’t cheap, taxes aren’t cheap.
But that isn’t really why I’m leaving.
See, two years ago today, my sister gave birth to the most adorable little guy ever. (Not that I’m biased) She and I had been marching forward arm-in-arm in the firm resolve that neither one of us would have children, and then, as if in a single day, she changed her mind. It wasn’t just a day actually, she gave more thought to it than I have ever seen a person reasonably consider such an option. She did not make the choice lightly, and I respect her for that.
When he came along, my life changed. As I faced this baby, I faced the realization that this may be the closest I ever come to having a child. And I wanted to be a influential part of this child’s life.
As my moods and my troubles ebbed and flowed, I was almost always tangled in my own darkness. The October before I went into treatment, I missed a chance to visit my nephew due to being hospitalized. I insisted that I come see him before going to treatment and my sister told me that she’d rather I not be around him at the time. As much as it broke my heart, it was my sister’s wishes, and I respect her more than anyone.
When I was in treatment and I needed motivation, my sister and my nephew were the ones I was working to get better for.
Now that I am doing well, I have the opportunity to move close to my nephew and be a full time aunt. For him, and for the new baby, who is due in August. 🙂 I get to help raise mini-feminists! Haha… Hey, they might not have listened if it came from a parent, but from a crazy cool aunt, maybe they’ll take in what I have to offer. You never know. I may never have kids of my own, but I will have a hand in raising some little beings into some incredible people. That is invaluable.
So, I’m leaving all of the conveniences that are California, for small town life. Part of it is a sacrifice, but mostly it is a privilege. I’d rather be the full time aunt, than the twice-a-year aunt. Not that there’s anything wrong with the twice-a-year aunt. But if this is the closest I’ll come to children of my own, it is best I be vigilant.
To be honest, SoCal wasn’t a great fit for me anyway. I’ve always been a country girl, so with the almost 4 million people in this county it is a bit crowded. Everyone here is skinny, and hell-bent on staying that way. Not a good place for eating disorder recovery. And really, the weather is too warm for my taste. I miss seasons. And after all, who needs a YMCA membership, when you’re chasing around two little kids? Or doing baby lifts?
I’m closing a chapter of my life and starting an incredible new one. I’m moving somewhere I plan on staying for a while. I’ve got a good 13 or so years before I’ll start considering a new home. (Teenagers are a whole different ballgame!)
I may not be employed yet, but I already have a full time job: Loving Aunt. And I plan on doing my job most diligently, and with the greatest of care.